Mompreneur Edition: Holding On To Your Old Identity While Paving a Way for a New One

Identity before a child vs. after a child. It can be extremely difficult to think of what life was like before having a baby, but it takes time to find your "new" you.

You don't have to lose all sense of yourself though. Just because you may not "have all the free time in the world" and you are more likely to say no to things, doesn't mean you've lost all sense of who you are, the essence of you are as a person.

As moms, we are EXTREMELY busy, whether that mean you are a full time working mom who has their kids in daycare or nanny or any situation of someone else watching your child full time, a stay at home mom who never gets the break of someone else watching their kids, or something in between like myself, where I may not need babysitting 24/7, but I do end up needing to go out from time to time, just not at the most conventional times and not every day or all the time.

There are beautiful moments of parenthood, where you hold your baby, laugh, giggle, and find such joy in them. However, there are days where they don't stop crying, you try EVERYTHING to get them to settle, and it feels like nothing else is working. So you panic, maybe you cry, and get really emotional. I know for myself it can be challenging to take care of this tiny human while also juggling a business where so many others are dependent on you. The "breaks" don't seem to come often enough and you feel like you are in constant war with yourself on what is the bigger priority. Mom guilt is real, but real for mompreneurs who have to balance a business, a baby, and a home.

My old identity before kids felt easy, seamless, and lovely. I can come and go as I please, go to networking events, fill my calendar with all types of dinners, happy hours, breakfast meetings, coffee meet ups, and visiting clients whenever I wanted to. It also meant that I am able to see friends any time that I wanted, unlimited date nights with my husband, picking destinations to travel to, and not having too many responsibilities (other than the simple tasks of cleaning, paying bills, etc).

My new identity since having a kid is completely different. I still go to the gym, but it might be only 4-5 times a week vs. 5-6 times a week. I walk every day with the dog + baby (weather permitting) to get outside for some vitamin d. I didn't have too much consistency in my routine since starting my own business, but the one thing that prepared me for motherhood was my entrepreneurial journey. Why? Because owning your own business does not have a routine, each day is different (like a baby), and you are constantly learning and growing as a person, day in and day out.

This new identity isn't a bad identity, and I don't even like to say "new" but this is a new chapter in my life. Each of us our the covers of our own books, filled with a variety of chapters of new beginnings, such as buying a home, having a partner to marry, and having a kid. It is a shift in my identity to not be afraid to say no. To not be afraid to put up boundaries for myself and to be mindful of who I let into my life.

Hormonally, your mind and body change drastically during these times, which forces you into a new identity. You mourn your old life which is more carefree, easy, and simple. When having your own baby, it truly does change you. You are now responsible for this human being, responsible for life to raise them right, and to give them a better life than you had before.

When it comes to identity shifts, it is easily the most challenging to go from 0 to 1 kid(s) since you've gone from a carefree world to now your entire world is centered around them, but this too, shall pass as they grow older where they can be their own person and you can find a bit more of a "balance" to do the things you love without having to sacrifice your family.